Part One: My Shudder-Inducing and Cliched, What Seemed to be a Totally Worthless Online Venture Turned into a Hysterically Eye-Opening Observation.
After 2 weeks of swimming the guy infested waters of online dating I want to share with you my experience and observations. I can't say I got much out of it, because honestly at the end of the day I don't think I wanted anything out of it. Online dating isn't for me. It's scary, over whelming, and just plain weird. I stopped myself and was like, "What am I doing? I'm like online shopping for dudes." First I signed up for Plenty of Fish and after a week I got about 120 messages from random guys. I made an OkCupid account and quickly noticed how many guys had both a POF and OkCupid account! It was bizaare. I don't know how they can keep up. I deleted my POF account and decided to focus only on OkCupid for 3 days.
One of the first guys that ever messaged me on one of these Online Dating sites was the guy I was most attracted to out of all of them. Yes, I am only going off about 3-5 pictures, but still. He was too good to be true when it came to connections between us, etc. He messaged ME, but never made the effort to talk again. He kept saying, "We'll be in touch."
It's like a scene from the film, He's Just Not That Into You where Gigi meets this dude in a bar and he gives her his card and says, "We'll be in touch." She then awkwardly calls him out on who will indeed be the one to contact the other first. Let's just say she never heard from that guy again.
Justin Long's character, "Alex" gave the best piece of advice that is SO INCREDIBLY TRUE:
Guys are simple (usually). If he isn't thinking about you, you will not be hearing from him. Sadly, the 2 main guys whom I had a decent conversation with, and possibly could see myself being friends with in the future, were not thinking about me."If a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you. If a guy wants to talk to you, he will talk to you. If he wants to see you, he will find a way to see you."
(Keep in mind, this is the FIRST message I received from these guys. The 1st message is suppose to be different and interesting enough for you to want to reply to them. Think of it as a guy approaching you in a bar. And no I did not respond to any of the following).
1. Do you think vampires are sexy? (WTF?!)
2. First off I want to say I find you very attractive. Given the chance, I would invite you over for a romantic dinner. As soon as you got here I would pull you in close and say, "Baby I have a TV dinner in the freezer with your name on it." Then I'll proceed to plug in your favorite scent of glade plug it in, just for you, then pour you the finest glass of welch's grade juice. For dessert I will feed you some gold fish with a spork.
Sincerely, Your Knight in shining armor. (Oddly Creative isn't it?)
3. Hey. dtf (gross)
4. Wow you are gorgeous. I need a Midwestern girl like you to melt my country heart.
5. What are you looking for in a guy? How do you feel about video games? I like your smile. :-) (A.D.D.?)
6. How was yoir dau (Spell check?)
7. hiiii princess ;) may I step into ur lil world 4 a lil while?
8. I know this will sound weird...Are you special?
9. i heart you
10. Hi there! Just a quick question; How about coffee,wine&beach, tea, lunch, dinner or just get married !? :)) as simple as it is :) (Well, that escalated quickly)
11. Happy 24th bday! (it wasn't my birthday)
12. lol gotta remove that madrid bathroom pic! Haha (I have NO idea)
13. I have a net. (Get it? Plenty of Fish)
14. Cute, I'd spank you.
15. You must be going insane...
I mean, all these brain dead emails in your inbox? How could you not be?
At any rate, I'm ambitious, creative, have never been known to settle for the mundane.... and you surprised me the way you seem a little more three-dimensional than the average user.
But before we waste 10 years on toxic marraige where we throw the family china at each other across the living room and end up fighting over who gets Fluffy in divorce court, let's cut straight to the chase...
What would your friends say are your strangest quirks? Don't worry...I've got mine too and I promise not to judge (much).
16. Meep.
17. i would love to make you my girl
18. Hey sexy do you model? (HAHAHAHAHA. No.)
19. Rawr
20. French toast, waffles or pancakes? What do you dislike most about the dating process?
Well to answer guy number 20...the entire thing! I won't bash it because Online Dating has created many success stories, I just know that it isn't for me. So here I am...deleting my accounts and trying my best to not look for love so it can accidentally bump into me one day.
Part Three: Most Popular Names among online dating bachelors:
1. Tom
2. Matthew/Matt
3. Michael/Mike
4. Andrew
Cheers to all the Toms, Matts, Mikes and Andrews. May the force be with you.
